The piper Funny Status Messages

   I was on a plane today. The stewardess said, "would you like some headphones?" I said, "sure, but how did you know my name was Phones?"

   Some people wait their entire life for their ship to come in, not realizing that they are standing in an airport..

   I can't see an end, I have no control and I don't think there's any escape, I don't even have a home anymore...Definitely time for a new keyboard.

   Facebook just suggested I be friends with my ex. I marked it 'Offensive

   Don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat. The government hates competition!

   Whenever one office door closes, 50 browser windows open

   Roses are red, violets are blue, I hate rhyming, make me a sandwich.

   When I'm watching a 3D movie I take the glasses off for a second to see the difference.

   I asked my Heart : Why can't I Sleep at Night? My Heart told me : Because you have already Slept in the Afternoon. Don't act like you are in Love !